Did you watch The Tyra Show on Fat Haters and weight discrimination yesterday? There was some definite ugliness being hurled around. Well, at least there was no chair-throwing. I had secretly been a little nervous about that when I had been asked by the producers to be on the show as the body image expert and help to throw a mirror in the face of the girls and women who were continually bashing other people’s bodies for being too fat.
What was it like? It was fun! Yes, and interesting and strange and alarming too. Sitting in the midst of a very excited and expressive audience, I listened intently to what was going on on stage. Yes, teasing and taunting were taking place. But something much more sinister was in full action as well– support for fat and weight discrimination by family members and friends. Family members expressing that plus-size women should sit “somewhere else” on the beach and be “tucked away” in the back offices of professional businesses. Ha! With friends and family like that…well, ya know. Many, as anyone could tell, were sensitive about their own weights and needed to point out the weights of others to feel better about themselves. Silly. Really. And hurtful.
As I told the girls and the women on stage, “you can’t shame people into losing weight.” You can’t. A parent can’t do this to a child. A peer can’t do this to a peer. Yes, someone might try to diet after being teased and taunted but being shamed into action is not a healthy way to help your body…or your mind. People are not worth more when they weigh less. Nevertheless, a weightist and sizeist message is being sent to children and teens– making so many girls so scared to develop curves that eating disordered eating has become the norm. It’s time to make some changes.
I know, many of you are wondering how you can support any of this when there is an “obesity epidemic.” You have your own mind. You can think whatever thoughts you want about weight and size and fat…in your head, if you must. However, dishing out nasty comments, discriminating against girls and women who are plus-sized, overlooking bigger girls, and being rude is unnecessary, and frankly, inhumane. Everytime we make these kinds of comments, we affect our daughters…negatively. It’s time to allow our girls to love their bodies again. We need to stand up and say “it’s enough!” and then turn to our daughters. our friends, our mothers, and our students, whatever size and shape they are, and tell them “you’re enough.” They need to hear it. Just as they are. They need to hear it from each and everyone of us.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Dr. Robyn – We can’t even think those thoughts in our heads. I have to disagree with that comment. Invariably, what is in our heads comes out our mouths and shows in our body language. The nasty comments and discrimination that happens today would end up being reduces to nasty glares and covert discrimination. You know the look, it starts at the face, goes down to the waistline, pauses, then continues as the person says, I’m sorry the only seat we have is in the back room.
We do need to say ‘it’s enough!’, and we need to think it to.
Karen
Thank you, Karen. I agree with you that these thoughts are damaging– both for yourself and for your children. I agree that it comes out in your body language. However, if you are thinking those thoughts, which many parents are– as I’ve heard 100s of stories from girls and women telling me that their parents have not been able to resist telling their daughters that they need to lose weight in one way or another– then it is time to keep those thoughts to oneself. Our daughters, despite what parents might think, do not need one more person, especially someone so close to them, telling them that they are not good enough, right? So while I agree that the thoughts are damaging– that those thoughts develop into horrible self talk as well as evaluative glances at others– I feel that if those thoughts are running through ones mind, remember to ask, “how does it serve?” before saying it out loud. Agreed? If I could eradicate such thoughts from the minds of parents, I would. But in this world where many believe that fat=bad and thin= good (at all costs), I want to be realistic. Do you know what I mean?
Thank you for your comment. You are right on the money.
Dr. Robyn
Hi Dr. Robyn, im glad to have someone supporting plus size and regular size women its, great i have been doing research and have seen there are some great people out there like yourself ready for change, and we all know a huge change in the media would stop a lot of body image issues, so i have come up with an idea, im putting together a group of models, who are a ten…. thats it a large 8-10 and a sml 12-10 and 10 in size this will give the average women a place to fit in as we only have size zero’s and to be plus size it seems the mimimum is 14… i have dreamt of modeling since a young age before all the top models etc. and i have no were to fit into modeling with all i have to offer and recently i have met a lot of girls alike “we dont fit designers clothes but we could sell any product if given a chance.. Now i know i had a dream of becoming a supermodel for a reason to change the industry, if you know anyone who would be interested in getting involved in this group please dont hesistate to email, thankyou for your support on the Tyra show every little thing will make a difference i look up to people like you who are not afraid to take a stand!
Regards
Nicole B.W.
It´s completely right, all that you say. When I was younger (I´m 18) I was told by my parents that I needed to stop eating so much. I really wouldn´t call myself fat. But my mind it´s so confused that I just don´t know. I´m 64.6 in tall and I weight 149.6 lbs. When my parents told me that I used to get angry and in reality it only made me eat more, like now if someone mentions me that I feel really anxious. But the real thing is that the “fatness” it´s only a complement. I would like to know what happens when you are just not pretty. You try to learn to accept yourself but everyone throws at your face what you are not. Someone always tells me: fat legs you can´t show, you don´t have the legs to wear a skirt, almost a “how dare you!”. Apparently I can´t wear what I want, and I feel like they tell me that like if I don´t deserve it. Because of the person I am, I know that even if it hurts I can take it, but I can´t not to think about all those girls that can´t and that have eating disorders. And when you´re just not “pretty”, well… you do nothing. The last one it´s probably only self stem or that I would like to think, and have no more shame of the face I was born with.