All those working on behalf of children, teens, women and positive body image, what would you say, if someone said to you, YOU are promoting obesity in young people by telling them they should be happy with themselves?
Come on. You know this is the question out there. It’s on everyone’s minds who challenges what we do. I already “hear it” coming from the mouths of every morning show anchor I’ll speak to when my book, Good Girls Don’t Get Fat, comes out in October. It’s not a fear, it’s a given.
It’s amazing to me that we need to pick one or the other. This “war on obesity” is making us choose sides. The media, and some in the medical world would have us think; EITHER you want kids to be thin or you must be content with unhealthy, lethargic sloths who are going to die any minute. Ahhh…a bountiful selection. What to choose…What to choose??? Ugh.
Is that really the choice here, folks? What does this kind of commentary say to children, teens, and to adults?
It says;
- When you gain weight of any kind, you are going in the wrong direction.
- Fat is bad and thin is good.
- Fat means you are ugly, gross, blameworthy, unhealthy, disgusting, and worthless.
- Thin means you are beautiful, controlled, healthy, and worthy.
- If you gain weight, you are going towards fat. Fat is bad. You are bad.
- If you lose weight, you are going towards thin. Thin is good. You are good.
- The more weight you lose, the thinner you’ll be, the better you’ll be.
- You can only be happy, healthy, and positively regarded if you are thin.
- All assessments of your work and who you are, are based, in part, on your weight.
People start to go through the numbers in their heads. Everywhere. They strive for zero because anything else is just so awful. I see it at the gym as people step on the scales in the locker rooms. Gosh, I wish people wouldn’t do that. I hear them mutter under their breaths or announce to their friends that exercising was not working. I see the color drain out of their cheeks when the scale doesn’t reflect the number they want to see. Is this the message we want to send?
Oh, and clothing stores. I’ve started to take the clothes I want to try on to the teen departments just so I can stand in the dressing rooms and here what’s going on in there. “Ick, I’m so fat….I hate my thighs…I hate my stomach…I hate my life.” Watching a teenager struggle with the size in of her clothes as they increase, because, well, teenagers are SUPPOSED to grow, is excruciating. I don’t think that we should subtract the number sown in the back of our jeans from our net worth.
And how many times have I heard people point out others—in the media—in their school classes, at work, who look “so good” BECAUSE they “lost weight.” And of course, how many times are people picked apart, body cut from head, to point a blaming, shaming, maiming, finger at anyone who’s body deviates from the ideal. No wonder so many people suffer from poor body image, disordered eating, and eating disorders.
Our young people have so much to offer. Can we remember that? They can think, do and create so much. And yet, we fill their minds with so much crap, that their self regard plummets even as they excel. They are gifted students, volunteers, athletes, actors, tech whizzes and leaders and yet, these assets can be over-shadowed by what they weigh. Many of them stop striving. Stop thriving. I mean, if weight is all there is, why bother? What a travesty.
I choose to imagine how things could be different.
Am I so contrarian to say that I actually want young people to be happy with themselves and all they have to offer no matter what size they are? Am I abandoning my post as a body image expert if I, at the same time, would love for everyone to fill their bodies with delicious, healthy foods that nourish them, find ways to move and exercise their bodies that thrill them, get a good night’s sleep, and laugh, think, grow, learn and teach? I don’t think so.
Self worth, appreciation and social regard should not contingent on what people weigh. Thin, plus size, and everyone on the continuum—EVERYONE deserves to be happy with who they are. I think we’d have a lot fewer problems if everyone waging wars could just agree on that one simple principal.
But I’m just one person. What do YOU think?
Note: Some other blogs that talk about body image, eating disorders and media
(And many more! Huge list will be revealed in my book!)
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I absolutely agree with you. I feel fortunate to be in this movement because I am connected to more people who support our views than those who say “you are promoting obesity.” However, I do get dismayed when I read comments on stories, whether on Huffington Post or other media, from every day people who say – fat is bad, why would you want to accept being fat is healthy. I feel so many people are uninformed of the studies on weight & health, and I think they have been sucked into the advertising and huge $$$ that supports this “anti-obesity” campaign. I too wish, as you have stated before, that we could focus on PRO love, acceptance, health, body image. Focus on empowering people, educating on health, help teens critically view the media, and watch how we model around our children. My hope is in the future that we can shift from shame, blame, individual guilting, to that of pro- movements. Let us be the ones who change the messages we deliver to children and teens; let us be the ones to try and bring awareness of health, which includes BOTH mental health and physical health; let us be the ones who teach people they do not have to accept the messages delivered to us by ad campaigns. Be the change we want to see in this world – and NEVER let those who say different stop us.
Great article Dr. Robyn.
I have been pondering this thought for a while as well. I think the important thing is that you shouldn’t hate yourself because you’re fat. You should love who you are. At the same time I think it should be clear that being obese is NOT a good thing, because it will result in long term health issues and potentially a pre-mature death.
There’s definitely a difference between healthy-image and healthy body weight. You shouldn’t hate yourself because you’re overweight, but you shouldn’t remain overweight either.
Great post and really hits home right about now because a friend of mine is starting to get back in step with her eating disorder and I’m so reminded of the all or nothing thinking so many of us with ED’s share. Why should you have to be pro-thinness or pro-obesity? there is plenty of middleground to be in and there’s no reason to have polarized thinking. Embrace the size you are and flaunt it. Nobody is ever going to be as fabulous in your body as you!
“If you’re not for us, you’re against us!”
The media does not permit shades of gray; you’re fat or thin, black or white, red or blue, conservative or liberal, right or wrong….
Well, life – real life not MEDIA life – ain’t like that. But is the media really at fault? Maybe…
But we are not without responsibility. I always chuckled at the frantic emails and stories awhile back about cell phone numbers being published because no one wanted the sales calls….but we readily turn on the TV without a thought, allowing those same folks to sell us whatever they want…whether it’s products, dogma, paranoia or politicians. When the sources of the negative messages are so easily controlable, why do we continue to flock to them?
Turn the TV off. Stop buying all the “womens” (and mens) magazines that send mixed messages about eating anything (in the ads) surrounded by condescending articles about flat tummies, thin everything and losing weight.
It’s easy to blame the media..but the choice is ours.
Oh, Cooper. You read my mind. We DO need to take initiative and turn away from what is eating at us. Thank you for the reminder. Yes, I feel that we always need to pick one way– come on, people.
I often think about how people’s assets have been overshadowed and dimmed because they believe weight takes precedence over their gifts. What a loss on our part.
We have to realize that happiness and self worth don’t start AFTER we lose weight or AFTER we are at a certain weight that is OK’d by society. We can be happy with who we are no matter what the scale says. WE are not our weight.
If someone is eating a great deal of unhealthy food, not exercising, and not sleeping, it doesn’t matter what weight they are– they are not allowing their body to be its most powerful, strong, and healthy. I think its ridiculous that we relocate that conversation only to those who deviate from the thin ideal. I’m sure we all know thin people that eat in unhealthy ways. We must teach all our young people how to eat and exercise for maximum power, strength and health.
Being healthy is not about weight just as being being happy shouldn’t be about weight. Why does self worth and weight need to be smooshed up into one little ball never to be pried apart?
I really love this post Robyn – and so appreciate you sharing your thoughts which I agree with wholeheartedly. “Everyone deserves to be happy with who they are” – Amen to that.
Thanks for the article Robyn. For me, it was never about the weight, it was about the thoughts and feelings that go with it. I was an obese child, extreme dieted to a thin teenager, then became a fat adult. It wasn’t until I made peace with food AND my feelings – I became happy with who I was – that I lost weight naturally. I am an average size now – some may say that I am still overweight – but I eat with peace and I live with peace. We have got it all wrong by focussing on “fat.” I love that saying Robyn “What is really eating us?” – eating because we are not physically hungry and are bored, tired, sad, happy! or something else, then we beat ourselves up and it creates the obsession. This is what matters – not the size, but finding peace with our food, feelings and life.