Dr. Robyn’s Friday Rant
So, in the beginning of this week I wrote about boys and pornography. Yesterday I received an email from my colleague, friend, and media-busting crusader, Amy Jussel of Shaping Youth asking for input on the sexualization focus she is doing. Then last night I read an article in The Baltmore Sun about a new study on the pro-ana and pro-mia websites out there telling girls how to be thinner and of course, how not to “god-forbid” get fatter. Ugh; what the heck are we doing?
Pornography. Sexualization. Thinspiration. To put it bluntly; we are receiving a steady diet of crap. So, it’s gotten me thinking globally. We’ve heard the argument that America is being left behind because we’re not doing enough in schools to fill our children’s minds with extra doses of new math, old history, and cutting edge science. But I don’t think that’s the problem—I think the problem is that we are filling our children’s minds with so much garbage that, in many cases, there isn’t enough room or time to reflect on things that actually matter.
Think about it. If boys are downloading their first porn at the average age of 11 (see www.GailDines.com for an outstanding video of one of her seminars on pornography consumption), and porn is addictive, accessible, and encouraged by the media, what do you think many boys think doing during their free time? No, not every boy and not all the time. But I doubt many of them, when provided a computer and no supervision, are looking for new ways to cure cancer.
Sexualization doesn’t help. It hits us from all sides. It tells boys to demean, use, and objectify girls and women. It tells girls to be seen and not heard. To be thin or unvalued. To conform or be picked apart. We spend so much time analyzing ourselves and others, who has time, energy or interest to develop other assets that actually matter? No, not all girls and no, not all the time. But when given the choice between looking up historical facts or looking in the mirror, many girls are sadly choosing the latter.
And thinspiration—images of rail-thin girls and women urging us to starve, purge, and do whatever it takes to shed the pounds–well, that’s just sexualization gone mad. By objectifying women, shoving them into a box most can’t fit, and yet sending the message from every direction that they must—even if it means shaving off pieces of themselves (it’s possible! Celebrities easily do it everyday with air-brushing and photoshop, right?), girls tell themselves that they can’t measure up as they are. They must DO something to change. They must become a little less of themselves.
A new study out of Johns Hopkins tells us that of the 180 sites promoting eating disorders that the researchers investigated;
- 84% offered pro-anorexia content
- 64% provided pro-bulimia content
- 85% offered thinspiration to their readers
- 84% provided overt suggestions on eating disorder behaviors like how to purge, what to eat, how to fast, and how to hide rapid weight loss from concerned family and friends.
There are some sites that provide recovery information and encourage girls to get help—yet they are in the minority. I talk more about this in my book, Good Girls Don’t Get Fat, coming out October 1st. The whole thing has made my stomach turn. I literally feel sick when I’m investigating this stuff. Perhaps that’s not all that ironic.
As parents and educators—and even as adults—we have to do better. If all one has to do is click a mouse—and in some cases, merely open their eyes—to see images of pornography, sexualization, and thinspiration glorified, idealized, and idolized, our kids won’t be striving for what will make this world better but rather, how they can fit into a fanatical, fantastical, frenetic world that all makes us a little bit worse for the wear.
What are you doing to help your children and teens thrive in a society that fist-shoves gallons of negative images into their beautiful heads each day? We’ll be sharing on my FB Fan site and of course, you are welcome to leave comments here. If your child is making it, we want to know how. If you are doing something to help boys or girls navigate the media waters, we want to know about it. We know you’re out there– we are seeing some progress–and we thank you in advance. We all must pool our resources and share our tips. Together, we can rise above the deluge of crap.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
The only thing I would like to add – girls can and do look at pornography and sexualization affects boys. I know you are focusing on the main culprits, but I just wanted to bring it to light. I think addressing how porn affects young girls, and sexualization of girls to boys or on boys themselves are worthy topics as well. I know you are aware of this – but it just the first & pretty apparent I saw when reading this post (and others in the blog world as well). I believe there is often a gender popular approach to these issues, and would like to see the discussion on these topics and the affect on boys, girls, and other genders
Great post Robyn, and I think Kendra added some good information. We need major initiatives to educate parents and teach them to fight back.
I have absolutely had enough of this crap, which is why Pigtail Pals was started. I agree with you 100% that marketers/media are filling our kids heads with so much sexualized garbage that there isn’t much room left. The gender stratification in childhood that carries into the teenage years, leaving our kids with extremely skewed definitions of feminimity and masculinity.
The ending of sexualization is the children’s rights and children’s health issue of our time.
Completely agree, Kendra. I DO cover this kind of thing in my book as well- and you are right, it needs to be addressed more. When girls see porn images it becomes part of their mindset that “this is what guy’s want” and “this is how I should act/be.” While it wasn’t porn that did that to me when I was younger, even more subtle images in the media told me how girls who were “wanted” by guys should act. With this in-your-face marketing, its even more dangerous. One of the things that struck me most when I watched Gail Dines’ presentation, was that girls were clamoring to be stars in the porn mags put out by colleges. We see it also with girls gone wild videos. They are exploited– but voluntarily– because somewhere along the line, they learned, that this is what guys want.
When boys see sexualized images of girls, they “learn” what girls are supposed to look like, do, and act as well– even if its utter crap. They learn that girls are to be objects and boys are to objectify. Of course it affects them. What’s scary, is that these boys will become boyfriends, husbands, and fathers. What training is going on in their minds to support girls in positive development when images belie that position? None of this is good for anyone. We all become less of ourselves and more a personification of fake reality. We, in effect, betray ourselves to become what we think the other wants us to be.
I’ve been passionately concerned about the unhealthy messages that children receive in the media since my first child was born 14 years ago. I’ve come to see sexualization as one of the biggest threats in this area, with serious damaging effects on boys and girls. Then there’s the rampant gender stereotyping that is taking us way backwards. It’s only gotten worse in the past decade or so. My mission in my writing is to alert and educate parents and find a way to help them help their children survive the barrage. Parents today are up against huge challenges that they don’t always know how to handle. I’m always looking for ideas to share. Thanks Robyn.
As the Stepmother of an 11 year old girl and a passionate body image advocate I truly believe the way to address this steady stream of media ‘horror’ is, at least in the first instances, at a micro level. By this I mean – things must begin at home.
There are no fashion or gossip magazines in our home, internet time is monitored and always in an open area – never a closed off bedroom, lots of activity based things that are non-gender specific are encouraged such as bike riding, little athletics and horse riding and all of this is followed through with things such as tv and music choices. As a result of her being an active and I would like to think balanced child, she has no interest in ’sexy’ type clothing, thinks Miley Cyrus is a little “scary” (her words not mine), and gets very upset when she relays stories from school where children are teased about the way they look. She does however have quite an interest in blue eyeshadow and lipgloss which I think is absolutely fine.
It’s not easy, but whenever we do see things on tv or in the media that is strange to our world or potentially harmful – we talk about it. An example being just last night where a story about Heidi Montag came on the tv. My stepdaughter did not know who she was and as the core of the story was about her plastic surgeries it lead into a great chat about that and why people do it.
We’re not perfect – I’m certainly not, but we try to do all we can. I figure if I start at home, my lovely girl will maybe then take some of that into the school yard and then as she becomes a young adult she will be strong and powerful in her convictions and value and honour herself for more than what she looks like. So – I go “micro” and small all the time, while simultaneously doing as much “macro” societal body image work as I possibly can.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Dr. Robyn.
Great article and comments.