Summer Renaissance: The tale of a body image rebirth

Summer time…and the living is easy. I love summer. Water splashing, ice cream eating, feeling the sun and wind on my skin kind of days.  But what about for girls who are dealing with or recovering from an eating disorder? What about girls who struggle with their body image and their self esteem? Summer isn’t always so easy for them.  Just read what our Resident Teen Writer, Rebecca Tishman, had to say about her summer and what it took to get her to embrace it and enjoy it again after all these years.

Summer Renaissance: the tale of a body image rebirth

“How was your trip to the beach?”

“Amazing. I wore a bathing suit for the first time in over two years, went in the water, and ate ice cream for the first time since about 7th grade! It was a big couple of days!”

As I walked out of high school on the last day of classes I could finally breath freely; I changed into a new outfit and drove to my therapist’s office where I revealed my arms to myself and my therapist for the first time in one and a half years. When I had been in inpatient treatment and getting into my healthy weight range, I started to cover up my body as a false sense of security and to hide from the world. But it had the adverse effect; on warm days I stuck out like a sore thumb in my multiple layers covered from neck to ankles. It wasn’t easy but now I’m breaking free and letting my body feel the air wash over it. How am I doing it?

At first, feeling the air on my skin was, well, odd.  That probably sounds pretty odd to you and yet, it’s my truth. So I had to get used to odd feelings and be OK with them. One of the weirdest sensations I hadn’t anticipated was feeling wind brush over my arms. With my arms covered it was hard to feel air pass over them. Now, here I was…exposed.

So I didn’t just dive in.  I prepared myself ahead of time. Before each of my major challenges (eating ice cream, wearing a dress, etc.) I knew ahead of time that I was going to do them. I was able to set my anxiety and fears at ease by talking about them ahead of time with my therapist, mom, and sister. I would even sometimes journal about them. I talked myself through it and acknowledged my emotions.  This prepared me.

Even when I took my challenges I did them in safe environments around people I knew and trusted. Wearing a bathing suit? I did that for the first time in 2 years surrounded by my cousins, aunt, and mom.  I felt supported and valued.

I also kept my goals and my motivations in the forefront of my mind. I realized this:

I absolutely do not want to go to college and be an eating disorder with a person attached but rather a person who just happens to be recovering from an eating disorder. I want to be around people I like and love.  I want to be in places that excite me and inspire me.  I want to be free of my eating disorder. I want to feel…free. I constantly remind myself of that since my eating disorder is anything but freeing.  I have to take charge. I am taking charge.

If someone had told me even three months ago…

• that I’d be wearing clothes that flatter my body instead of hiding it;
• eating foods because it’s the norm and tasty,
• and loving what I’m doing…

I would have laughed in his face (and probably put on another layer of clothing).  But I did do it. I’m so glad I took on these challenges and I can’t wait to take more.

Tagged as: Body Image, Dr. Robyn Silverman, Eating Disorders, Rebecca Tishman, Recovery, summer