Many of us are thinking about new goals and new years resolutions as we get ready to delve full throttle into 2010. Yes, it’s the New Year and the New Year brings all kinds of promises in the form of New Years Resolutions 2010. How many of us keep them?

We know that writing down our goals is one step towards achieving them. We also should declare them publicly– tell people close to you– or your success coach– so that you can be kept accountable. My coaching clients are visiting their declared goals from last year as they set their goals this year to see how their goals must be tweaked in order to REALLY be achieved.

Remember that your goals must be positive, planned, present and possible– and you must believe in what you declare! Combat those negative thoughts with a set task list which benchmarks and times to celebrate.

Declare it now! Here or on FaceBook– we would love to hear how you and your family plan to make 2010 your best year yet.

Wishing you a very powerful 2010-

Love Your Body Day: Interview with Chenese Lewis, Hollywood NOW event organizer

By: Dr. Robyn Silverman

I had the pleasure of interviewing the very beautiful and the very busy Chenese Lewis, actress, radio host, motivational speaker, plus size model– and if that isn’t enough– the creator of the National Organization for Women’s Love Your Body Day event for her Hollywood Chapter! The confidence of the women around her increases manyfold whenever Chenese is around. She radiates body esteem and gives a boost to women’s body image.  Find out why she thinks everyone should love their body on October 24, 2009 and every other day of the year.

Maybe God put an extra dose of confidence in me so I have enough to share with others.   –Chenese Lewis

Dr. Robyn: What great things are you doing to honor Love Your Body Day and when and where is it all happening?

Chenese Lewis: Since 1998 the National Organization for Women (NOW) has celebrated Love Your Body Day. In honor of the day, I created an event for my local chapter, Hollywood NOW, and this marks my 4th year putting on the event. Hollywood NOW’s Love Your Body Day celebration consists of vendors, entertainment, and a “real women” fashion show. It’s a festive day with a positive message. This year’s event is scheduled for Saturday, October 24, 2009 from 12-4pm in the West Hollywood Park Auditorium and the admission is free.

Dr. Robyn: The concept of Love Your Body Day is straight forward– we should all love our bodies no matter what the shape or size! But what does LYBD mean to you and why celebrate it in such a big way?

Chenese Lewis: I think everyday should be Love Your Body Day for everyone, but unfortunately many women hate themselves instead and feel they don’t have anything to celebrate, which is exactly why I think this event is so important. I have had people come to me and tell me before attending Love Your Body Day and learning about the positive body image message I promote, they felt as if there was something wrong with them and they were “less than” the rest of society. I’ve had people who have confessed to me that they have had eating disorders they never told anyone about. I’ve had women who have told me that they gained weight after child birth and their self esteem was so low they though about ending their life.

Through this event I have had the opportunity to change lives. I had no idea it would affect people to this magnitude because the way the event is set up its just a fun and entertaining day. But just being in a uplifting and accepting atmosphere, with positive influences and seeing other women who look like you that are confident and happy, is so empowering, even to me!

The event has grown each year. It’s real grassroots and we don’t have a big budget. It’s fueled by my passion and is a labor of love. Why not celebrate in a big way, we’re worth it!

Dr. Robyn: Given that we live in a world that seems to celebrate thinness and denigrate women for deviating from that ‘thin ideal,” how have YOU come to love your body?

This is a question I get often, and I wish I had I great story to tell but I don’t. I never had a problem with confidence or self esteem in my life. I contribute it to the cultural and regional environment I grew up in (African American in the South) as well as unconditional love and support form my parents. Being plus size just wasn’t that big of a deal, I had a happy childhood, did great in school, very social, so I didn’t have to learn to love my body, it was just second nature. I feel that everything happens for a reason, and my life experiences have lead me to what I am today, maybe God put an extra dose of confidence in me so I have enough to share with others.

Dr. Robyn: For those girls and women out there who are yo yo dieting, starving themselves, or constantly criticize their own bodies (or someone else’s) for not fitting in with society’s thin ideal, what advice do you have for them in honor of this special day?

My advice would be to stop trying to achieve this “perfect ideal” that doesn’t exist. No one is perfect, everyone has flaws, and those flaws make us unique and beautiful. If you are constantly unsatisfied with yourself and always trying to look a certain way you’re not meant to be, you will go crazy. Its such a freeing and peaceful feeling when you accept yourself as you are and start living your life instead of bashing yourself. Your weight is just a number not your worth.

Your weight is just a number not your worth. –Chenese Lewis

Dr. Robyn: For those people who won’t be able to make it to the celebration, how do you suggest that they get in on the festivities and the spirit of the day?

Chenese Lewis: I would suggest that you do something that boosts your confidence to celebrate you. For me it would be pampering myself by getting a manicure and pedicure,and a new outfit! Plan a fun day with the girls where no one is allowed to say anything negative about themselves and everyone showers each other with compliments! Do something fun that celebrates you as you are right this moment!

For more information about Hollywood NOW’s Love Your Body Day visit www.loveyourbodyday.com and for more about Chenese visit www.cheneselewis.com

Hollywood NOW Love Your Body Day

Source: www.loveyourbodyday.com

Hollywood NOW “Love Your Body Day,” is a community celebration to promote healthy body image for women of all ages and to combat the negative portrayals of women and girls in mainstream entertainment, fashion, cosmetics, media and advertising.

The Ick Factor Getting the Best of the Breast Feeding Baby Doll?

Dr. Robyn Silverman

I’ve got to be honest. I’m grappling with something here. This breast-feeding doll for little girls. I haven’t written about it because truthfully I really wasn’t sure what I was feeling about it.

The doll, called “Baby Gloton,” is manufactured by a Spanish Company and is not yet available in the States. It will be though—next year. In the box comes a 20 inch doll (newborn size) ready for suckling. It also comes with a halter top with daisies placed strategically where working nipples would be—if the young girls had them. When the doll is lifted to the nipples, it makes suckling noises.

I know. Some of you are thinking, well, yuck. It does have a strong “ick” factor. And I wondered to myself, “why?” I mean, the feminists and breast-feeding advocates are right—breast-feeding is natural and normal. Having just adopted a baby myself, I’m around breast-feeding often and think it’s wonderful. Many babies are breast fed and we, in America, believe in breast-feeding just like the European countries do. Not all babies bottle feed, as other baby dolls would have us think. So, a breast-feeding baby doll makes sense…right?

I think the problem here is that we don’t like to think about “nipples” and “suckling” when it comes to our school-age daughters. Even if it’s all pretend.  Because, of course, it is!

But with all the talk about sexualization and pushing our girls to grow up so soon, the doll feels inappropriate. Or…is that just “our problem?” Are we making this very non-sexual thing into a sexual thing when it isn’t?  (And let us not forget—that girls simulate these kids of acts with baby dolls that aren’t programmed to suckle. Just as they pretend to feed, change, and comfort their dolls, they may pretend to breast feed—and they don’t need any special dolls to make that happen.) We’ve certainly seen that breast-feeding has made people feel uncomfortable before– remember Selma Hayek and the hungry dying baby she breast fed? People were even uncomfortable with that– so a breast-feeding doll stands little chance of acceptance!

Are Americans just oversexualized—or too uptight? Are we backwards thinking or just prudish? Are we all just being scammed and ripped off?  Or perhaps, we just like our children’s toys to be a little less realistic.

After all, look at Barbie. She’s as unrealistic as you can get and she’s been around for 50 years.

Given that positive body image and media don’t often click these days, I don’t want to seem ungrateful for this fabulous shot of a normal looking woman in Glamour Magazine…

Dr. Robyn Silverman

Look.  I’m happy to see some more versatility in the media these days when it comes to shape and size.  When I was interviewed on this topic several years ago regarding the DOVE campaign and how I felt about it being in the top women’s magazines I said “well, it’s a start.  But the fact that there is one add that shows women in other sizes besides 2s and 0s, and a hundred that show that extra small is the only size, we have a long way to go.”

Now, I’m in the same boat.  I’ve been getting questions recently about how I feel about the new show “More to Love.”   On the one hand, I’m happy to see that a show featuring women who aren’t stick thin on primetime, but on the other hand, why is it all so segregated?  These women are still being shown to the “back of the bus” by saying “here, have a show, but you can’t be on the show with the thin women—you need your own show.” Do they have to drink from their own water fountain too? I know I’m not alone here.

I had a similar reaction to Glamour’s model, known as the “woman on p. 194,” who actually had a little pooch that stuck out over her underwear in September’s issue. Her name is actually Lizzi Miller, a 20 year old model , size 12-14, who is also an avid softball player and belly dancer.

People have gotten really excited—and Cindi Leive, editor of the magazine, was apparently shocked by the response.  She even wrote a post on the magazine’s website which talked about the vast number of letters she has been receiving since the magazine hit newsstands. She wrote:

The letters blew me away: “the most amazing photograph I’ve ever seen in any women’s magazine,” wrote one reader in Pavo, Georgia. From another in Somerset, Massachusetts: “This beautiful woman has a real stomach and did I even see a few stretch marks? This is how my belly looks after giving birth to my two amazing kids! This photo made me want to shout from the rooftops.” The emails were filled with such joy—joy at seeing a woman’s body with all the curves and quirks and rolls found in nature.

I’m thrilled to see something—anything—different than the one dimensional, one sized, one-shaped girl in the pages of a fashion magazine. I am.  And I don’t want to sound ungrateful here…or jaded…but…isn’t it sad that we get all worked up by a single picture sized 3in. X 3in. of “normal” among so many of “oh so thin?” (And she IS pretty normal—in fact, her BMI is 25.1—the medical “normal” range is 18.5-24.9 so it’s not like she is so “outside of the box!” And yet…she is!)

And isn’t it bizarre that the editor is SO surprised that we actually WANT to see different shapes and sizes when we open up a fashion magazine that is supposed to make us want to feel beautiful and…GLAMOURous?

Yes, people.  We actually DO like to see that women don’t need to be stick thin in order to be considered beautiful.  We like to see all different types of women because…well, then, there is more of a chance that many of us out here will see ourselves in those magazines and feel good about what we see in the mirror.  Girls and women need to see diversity in media. Not that one picture makes me say that we have hit the nail on the head—one picture IS NOT diversity.

But, it seems that Leive is not totally dense.  She wants to know what kinds of pictures people want to see—and assures us that it won’t fall on deaf ears.

“Trust me, Glamour’s listening, and this only strengthens our commitment to celebrating all kinds of beauty.”

As our colleagues over at Jezebel relay to their reads;

Hopefully she means it, because it’s already obvious from the response to one three by three inch photo that women are interested in seeing beautiful pictures of women of all shapes and sizes that look like them, rather than what the magazine says they should aspire to look like. But, we’re still skeptical. If magazines run more images like the one on page 194, women may internalize the idea that you can look sexy with messy hair, no clothes or accessories, and a layer of body fat and stop buying products to fix their natural yet somehow “flawed” figures.

Yup.  And wouldn’t THAT be just sooooooooo terrible!!!

[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN_WQOaZ90k]

I think we can all learn a very important lesson here (Thank you, Tracy).  Stop trying to make your body fit the clothes and start looking for clothes that fit your body!  Why do girls and women berate themselves when the clothes don’t fit us well?  Somehow, the size and shape of the clothes in the store become our own private dictator telling us we must lose weight, get surgery, and do dangerous things to ourselves just so we can fit into them. Who made them king?  Take back the power– find the clothes that fit you and that make you feel beautiful.  You deserve it.

Share your body image stories and perspectives here!

]]> http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/uncategorized/trying-to-get-the-body-to-fit-the-swimsuit-or-vice-versa/feed/ 2 http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/uncategorized/separation-anxiety-guidelines-to-say-goodbye-to-clingy-kids/ http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/uncategorized/separation-anxiety-guidelines-to-say-goodbye-to-clingy-kids/#comments Tue, 21 Jul 2009 18:15:46 +0000 DrRobyn http://drrobyn.wordpress.com/?p=1419

Separation anxiety for back to school?

Dear Dr. Robyn,

I’m sure you hear a lot about separation anxiety around back to school time. It’s only July and I’m already dreading “back to school” because my child will be going to kindergarten.  With my first child, we had quite a time with getting him comfortable enough to go into his classroom and leave my side for a lot of the school year.  He’s what you call a “clingy kid.” Well, I wound up staying for way longer than I should. I’m sure I made some mistakes and I know this is classic separation anxiety.  Can you give me a quick was to say good-bye that we  can follow so we don’t make the same mistakes twice?

–Laura, Mom of Max and Julia, New Brunswick NJ

Thanks for your question, Laura!

I actually spoke about this with Parents Magazine in the July 2008 issue.  Separation anxiety is seen in many children to varying degrees.  It can come in the form of crying, whining, clinging, following, silence, withdrawal, or hiding behind a parent.

First, remember, that your daughter is not your son.  She may respond completely differently than you other child did in the same circumstance.  In this case, it’s important not to generalize and “pre-label” your daughter!

Second, there are some things you can do before school that can ease the transition.  Typically the problem of separation anxiety on the first days of school are two-fold—your child is uncomfortable being separated by you but she is also uncomfortable about what’s unfamiliar to her as well.

You can do something about that. Allow her to see her classroom, meet the teacher, and connect with some classmates before the first day of school.  Play in the school playground, walk the halls, and meet the principal.  Essentially, make the unfamiliar, familiar.  I talk more about these kinds of tips in my interview with www.education.com. I will notify our powerful parents when the articles come out.  In addition, I will be doing some tele-seminars on easing the transition back to school which I will let you know about shortly.

In addition, September’s Powerful Word of the month is courage– so get a jump on talking about courage in your household! Your Powerful Words school will help support these messages of courage as the instructors go through September’s Powerful Words curriculum.

Finally, if you are looking for a way to say good-bye without all the drama, please follow my ABCDE Goodbye Plan.  It’s simple and easy to remember—even though it’s sometimes hard to do!

Dr. Robyn Silverman’s ABCDE Goodbye to Separation Anxiety Plan:

(1) Be Affectionate—give a hug and a kiss, tell him how much you love him/her

(2) Be Brief- don’t linger because that will increase signs of separation anxiety

(3) Be Clear that you will be back and if you can, you can even tell them when (after the last school bell, when the clock says 3pm)

(4) Be Directive- “Go show your teacher what you brought from home!” “There’s your new friend, Emma—go say hello!” This gives your child something specific to do, gets her mind off the impending separation, and connects her with someone else in the room.

(5) And perhaps most importantly, EXIT. This doesn’t mean sneak out. You’ve said your goodbyes—wave- smile—and leave. Prolonging the inevitable makes the process harder for everyone.

In the mean time, you still have much of the summer to enjoy.  Talk positively about school and all the great things she will be able to do there.  And for your own sanity, talk positively to yourself—we all know the separation can be as hard on the parents as it is on the kids!

Best regards,

What’s a parent to do with all these overexposed teen celebrity images?

Celebrities are wearing skimpier outfits everyday. Of course, there is less of them to cover these days too, having lost so much weight.  After all, that’s the “new normal” isn’t it? What are parents supposed to do with all these images? Hide away our girls forever? It’s no wonder some parents have contemplated it.

My opinion has always been that we need to open up communication with the teens themselves with regard to these images.  What do they think?  Sharing your values but also listening to their concerns and opinions are vital if we are to make any progress in this area.

That’s why it shouldn’t surprise you when I post teen responses to these questions. I always love it when teens write in with their perspective.  Perhaps they can teach us a thing or two?  Here is one teen perspective from a 15 year old girl– still stinging from the Miley Cyrus debacle (radio interview here) last year along with other overexposed celebs.

Ok Miley Cyrus and all those celebs maybe a little too young to understand this but being a celebrity is not all about money, fame, fashion and getting your hair done whenever you want. If  you want to be a  celebrity you should try to be perfect, i know it sounds crazy but that’s the cost of being a celeb. She KNOWS that young girls look up to her and i still consider those pics a little too provocative (even i’m 15 and make sure that i’m all covered up in public). Therefore posing for them is a BIG MISTAKE.  Someone said parents should control what their kids should see and hear but that would seem impossible with the media at every inch of this world. It really is time parents start paying more attention to whom they consider their role model. I mean my parents don’t even know who miley is and if they did they’ll ban me from the net.

I look up to girls that are ‘tough’ and not too girly and not afraid to be themselves like the old avril lavigne. Yes she has changed and i used to loathe her for being a party animal but her music esp. complicated, when you’re gone, slipped away and innocence had a big impact on my musical interests. She has real talent and her lyrics are just amazing with the exception of girlfriend of course!

It’s important for parents (of girls esp) to start acting when they’re young and innocent. First of all parents are a child’s primary influence and i personally think that controlling the type of toys would really help.  Though crazy it might seem girls shouldn’t be adorned with so many teddy bears, dolls, pink stuffed animals. This makes their personality ‘too girly’ and this is what makes them think it’s ok to look up to   britney, miley(hate her!), Lindsay lohan and you name it……..

As a  baby my parents never adorned me with more than about 20 toys. They bought me very few dolls (only about 4) and more towards animals. As a result today at 15, I hate pink, i don’t like the conventional boyfriend gossip, i don’t act like dadda’s lil princess. Instead i’ve taught myself to look more towards reality….like world issues (my dad encouraged me at a very young age to watch news) and no this doesn’t mean forcing cnn down kids’ throats, i mean let them step outside of confinement and look at what they’re surrounded with………..let them sympathize with the poor, needy . This will automatically have a big impact on their personality and in no time their taste of music will change from pussy cat dolls to u2.

I know this may sound nerdy but nerdy is better than…….you-know-what…….

So…is it? What’s your take? How should parents deal with these young celebrity images anyway?

Positive Body Image Songs

Dr. Robyn Silverman

During a time when it seems that no girl can look in the mirror without criticizing what is reflected back at her, it’s refreshing to hear a song that isn’t about sex, tight jeans, boobs and long legs.  Girls and women latch on to what they hear.  We need to hear more positive messages, don’t we?

Thanks to Dara Chadwick for bringing this song to my attention.

More Beautiful You Lyrics (By Jonny Diaz)

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn’t straight her body isn’t fake
And she’s always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don’t buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you’ve already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you’ve got a man but he’s got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there’s a man whose love is true
And he’ll treat you like the jewel you are

So turn around you’re not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It’s not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who’s strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you’ll see through the eyes of a little girl

Other Positive Body Image Songs to Inspire Us to Love Ourselves and What We See in the Mirror

Put Your Records On (Corinne Bailey Rae)

Beautiful (Christina Aguilera)

Listen (Beyonce)

Unpretty (TLC)

Ugly (Sugababies)

Video (India Arie)

Any others you can think of?

For My Birthday- The Many Gifts of Having a Child in Your Life

Dr. Robyn Silverman

On my birthday, I realized that my ears have become bionic. I didn’t realize how noisy everything is until my daughter came along—and sleep became so precious. Floor boards creak, dishes clank, and my dog actually yips in his sleep. To drown out the major offenders we use several things– classical music, a humidifier, and a white noise machine that my husband sometimes thinks is on too loudly. What can I say? I cringe at the thought that they might wake up my daughter, especially if it’s been a particularly hard day or challenging night time sleep routine.

It’s funny what you realize when you have a child. Perhaps every sense is just heightened. Parents know their children’s smells (good or bad!), their baby’s cries, and when a stranger puts their son or daughter at ease or on alert. But one of the biggest changes I’ve noticed in myself, and with other parents I know, is that our emotions become so much more exposed to us—some learn to control them quickly while others more easily fly off the handle. Some do both—depending on the circumstance.

Parents feel their children’s pain—this can push us. We just want to stop the pain and bark at anyone who might get in the way or may be taking just a little too long to figure out what to do. Their pain hurts us more than our own. A good friend, Joanie, used to tell her son, “I wish I could just crawl inside and feel the pain for you.” I think we all feel that way.

But I think we also see what’s important. Events that might have sent us reeling in our younger years wash over us like water and we stay calm, cool, and collected. That amazes me. A child can cry in our ear for an hour and we can keep our wits about us—a gift that seems to come to most of us with the birth or adoption of our children. Of course, falling hopelessly in love can do that to a person.We look into their eyes and, we’re there, we’re theirs, heart and soul.

Yes, we fall in love. I guess we have to—this keeps parents from losing their minds or asking their children to simply get out of the car when they are driving us nuts! The love is so strong it almost makes us feel sick. And we thought we knew love when we were in high school? Ha!

At Tallie’s “Welcome to the World” party, a friend of the family said something to me that really struck me. “Now you know how much your mother loves you.” Ahhh–the gift of perspective–although I hadn’t thought about it that way until that moment. There is someone out there that could feel about you how you feel about your kids.

As we get older, we do more and more for ourselves.  There is much less cuddling, snuggling, and hugging between parent and child.  This is to be expected. The teen years bring more friction, frustration, and individuation.  We spend less time together. We have more to do. Again, normal.  So its easy to forget  along the way just how intense our parents’ love is for us. The concrete physical reminder is less obvious. Time is spent quickly. Priorities shift.

And then, we have our our children and they shift again.

So as I sat with my child in the wee hours of the night of my birthday, I think that this year, to quote a family friend, “I’ve gained 10 pounds of joy.”  It’s 4am and yet, I’m happy to be right where I am–snuggled up to my daughter while feeding her as if she is an extension of myself, thinking she is the perfect child for us, and how she is the most beautiful birthday gift to the world. And then I stopped to remember,  my mother was probably thinking the same thing all those years ago. And ya know what? She probably still is.

Disband the Clean the Plate Club?

Dr. Robyn Silverman

Thank you to all of you who have already submitted stories to my body image story website in preparation for my forthcoming book!  It is very telling– so many stories have similar themes.  This one, which came in recently, hits on a point I want to talk about today: The Clean the Plate Club.

Colleen’s Story: My Mom is a card carrying member of the clean the plate club. I guess that makes me one too. I have always felt like I needed to sneak food since the girls in the house weren’t supposed to really eat “real food.”.  My Mom would always say,  ‘no don’t eat the meatballs, eat the salad.’  I would think to myself, “but I want the meatballs.” I know now that forcing me to eat the salad only meant that I would eat the salad in front of her and then go back and eat the meatballs when she wasn’t looking.  So I wound up eating double.  Denying me the food would only make me want it more.  Then I would be out with my friends and I would think “Ha! Nobody’s watching so I can eat whatever I want.”   “You did not leave the table without cleaning your plate.  It was a sin to waste food–as opposed to eat until you are full.  It says it in the bible that you can’t waste.  My mother would always quote it so it was ingrained in me at a very early age. “It still sticks with me.  I say it all the time when I am out with friends.  I tell them, ‘I am so full, I couldn’t eat another bite.  And they tell me just to take it home.  But I say, “no, no, no, I have to eat everything.  That was what I was told growing up.’ That is why I continue eating but feeling bad about it.  I was told you have to finish everything but told not to gain weight at the same time. ”

What are studies telling us?

(1) Little girls as young as 3 years old are being warned by their parents to watch how much they are eating so that they do not gain unwanted pounds.  At the same time, little boys at the same age and size are being encouraged to “eat up” so that they become strong and solid big boys (International Journal of Eating Disorders. 2005). Girls are clearly being given different messages than are boys when it comes to food.

(2) Parents who try to control their children’;s food intake by insisting that their children clean their plate are the more likely to find that their kids, especially the boys,  request larger portions of sweetened cereal at daycare (Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, 2008).  In fact, in a recent study, preschool aged members ate 35% more fruit loops than those who were not members of the clean the plate clubwhen given an unlimited portion. This interferes with children’s own ability to listen to their bodies and determine when they are full. They begin to be at war with food which can affect their relationship with food and their bodies.

In addition. studies clearly show that families of adolescents with disordered or problem eating tend to overemphasize food, fat, dieting, and weight.  An overemphasis of food and food control is associated with a higher incidence of girls eating when they are not hungry.  Daughters whose families control food and emphasize diet are more likely to have mothers who are more critical of their daughter’s weight and figure.  Not surprisingly, such a family climate is associated with a girl’s greater concern about weight.

Interestingly, when I bring up these issues with some of the girls and women who have been guilted into cleaning their plates, they bring up issues of God and respect for their elders. In fact, when I followed up with Colleen and I asked her if she thought she could change her behavior so she could reclaim ownership of her body she wrote; “Well, how could I go against God’s word?  And every daughter knows saying “no” to their Moms is harder than you think.”

I think it is safe to say that “clean your plate” is no longer good advice.  No offense to Mom or God.  It may have been a good preservation technique during the depression or at times of famine or scarcity, but that does not apply to the lives of these girls.  Studies show that once the power struggle is taken out of meal times, children will self correct their under eating, overeating, and general weight problems.   It seems difficult, however, for parents to refrain from pushing “one last bite,” “clean your plate”  or “you shouldn’t eat so much of that.” Every child is equipped with a hunger gauge with controls how much they should eat.  If parents continually override those signals, the child will have trouble tuning in to that hunger gauge and relying on something internal, rather than external, to tell her how much to eat.

What are your thoughts? Does the clean the plate club influence how we feel about food or our bodies? Weigh in.