(AP Photo/Disney Channel, Michael Ansell; REUTERS/Fred Thornhill)
Miley Cyrus has gotten people talking again. She’s no longer draped in a sheet at age 15 for her famous Vanity Fair shot —she’s almost 18 and being photographed, allegedly, without her undies, sexing herself up on her latest video, and breaking out of her Disney persona leaving millions of young fans in her wake. Sound familiar? Yes, I know. Very Brittney Spears. Or Lindsey Lohan. She isn’t the first and won’t be the last.
I was interviewed for today’s Boston Globe on how parents can talk to their daughters, Miley’s raving fans, about her changing, more racy image.
“Why is Miley’s behavior so shocking to parents and fans? As a childhood role model, she became a girl-next-door icon… It can be challenging for parents and fans to watch her new, ‘untamed’ persona stomp out the quirky, reliable, relatable Hannah Montana from the past.’’ From: How Do You Solve a Problem Like Miley?
Here are my expanded tips, some of which were alluded to or quoted in the article, for those parents who are worried about how Miley Cyrus’ sexy persona might rub off on their tweens:
(1) Expand your daughter’s role models: Expose your daughter to many role models—both real and in the media. Role models should be of many different ages, sizes, backgrounds, so that your daughter doesn’t put all her eggs in one basket.
(2) Educate your daughters in media literacy: What do the images and words she sees tell you? What do they make you think? Start this process early so that your children know how media can be used in negative and positive ways. As they get older, teach them about how some media is used inappropriately to sexualize girls and create an “image.”
(3) Listen: What does SHE think of what she sees? What does her gut tell her? You may be surprised that she isn’t impressed with these changes. Ask open-ended questions that promote discussion rather than leading, close ended questions. Questions like; How do you think these new images compare with Hannah Montana and what you used to love about that show? Rather than Do you think she looks inappropriate? Can garner a discussion rather than a judgment.
(4) Underscore your values: If you don’t want your child following in these footsteps, make sure your daughter knows how you feel. Tell her what you like and what you don’t and why you think that way. What do YOU value in your family? What does she value? In light of those values, if she had the opportunity to talk to Miley, what would she say? If her best friend started acting this way, what advice would she give?
(5) Brainstorm alternatives: If Miley is interested in changing her image from one of a child star to an adult, what would your daughter suggest? Is this the only way to convey that she is not a child anymore?
(6) Define what an empowered, confident, bold, beautiful girl looks like: Media often tells us that in order to be confident, bold and beautiful in today’s world, we have to push the boundaries of sexy. How can a girl get attention from others without revealing herself? What’s the difference between positive and negative attention?
(7) Discuss what it means to be a role model: Many 17 year old girls experiment with clothes, make up, and even sex. So why is Miley’s behavior so shocking to parents and fans? As a childhood role model, she became a girl-next-door icon. It can be challenging for parents and fans to watch her new “untamed” persona stomp out the quirky, reliable, relatable Hannah Montana from the past. As a leader, as your daughter is likely a role model to someone, what responsibilities does she have to those who look up to her?
(8) Remember that all people make mistakes and disappoint sometimes: When we old someone up on a pedestal, they often fall from time to time. Just as we make mistakes, those we look up to will as well. They’re human.
(9) We can change role models as our role models change: Just because Miley was a role model in the past, doesn’t mean she needs to be a role model now. Who does your daughter look up to now? What is it about that person that she admires? When she can see that she is changing as much as Miley, she can realize that their paths may no longer converge. That doesn’t mean she can’t still enjoy Hannah Montana shows from the past or Miley’s music before it became more sexual in nature. It does mean that maybe she relates more to someone else—someone who currently shares her values and interests—someone who may live right near by or someone who is promoted differently in the media.
(10) Get your daughter doing things that develop her real assets: Sports, spending time with her Dad, community service. Your daughter needs to know that she is so much more than her physical body.
(11) Recognize that while Miley is transitioning doesn’t mean that your daughter needs to follow in her footsteps. Don’t panic. The more you push back and yell out your disgust, the more your daughter may cling to what you hate. She’s a teenager, after all!
(12) Underscore inner beauty and wonder of her body: Make sure your daughter knows that a woman doesn’t need to sexualize herself in order to be beautiful. She can glow from the inside and wow them with who she is. Relay that her body can do amazing things—jump, play, dance. It’s NOT all about sex.
Feel uncomfortable about these topics? Yikes. Sorry about that. Even if it feels strange, start early and get it out of the way. The more you talk about tough topics early, the easier it will be to discuss them when it REALLY matters. Talk in the car. Talk on walks. Listen and learn from her. You might just be surprised by what you hear.
