Dear Dr. Robyn,
My child does not stop talking about what he wants for the holidays this year. Every time a new toy or game is shown on TV, I hear “I want that!” I think the media has it in for us. What am I supposed to do?
–Josie K., NC
Dear Josie K.,
Holidays and commercialism. I love this time of year, don’t you? Yet while it is filled with the comfort and warmth of loved ones, it is also the biggest commercial season of the year. Think of the sales! The must-have toys of the season! Corporations vie for your attention and of course, the attention of your children.
Believe it or not, it is estimated that advertisers spend more than $12 billon per year on advertising messages aimed at your children. More than half of the toy industry’s annual $30 billion in sales happen during the weeks leading up to the holiday season. Therefore while the average child watches more than 40,000 TV commercials per year— or 100 per day—perhaps the most influential commercials happen in preparation for December’s spending frenzy.
Eight years ago, in the wake of September 11th, we remembered that this time of year was about spending time with family and being grateful for our freedom. We need to hold on to that lesson even though time has marched on. How can we help our children develop strength of character when the media is telling them “buy me, buy me, buy me?”
(1) Discuss the real meaning of the Holiday Season: Talk to your children about what these holidays really mean to you and ask your children what they mean to them. If they simply remark, “presents!” you know that you have some work to do. It may take some patience, but this is the time to start a new tradition of gratitude. In the war against the “gimme-gimme ghouls” of holiday seasons past, present, and future, this is the time to change your family lexicon and behavior around the holidays.
(2) Help your child understand the power of the media: It doesn’t seem to matter whether we are 4 or 44 years old, commercials have a profound effect on our brains. While adults have more of an abstract understanding of how media influences our wants, children are more concrete. They see it, they want it, and they have to have it. Talk to your children about how it is the job of the media to make toys look a certain way to con children into buying. Let them know about the “tricks” advertisers use to make us want something.
(3) Seek out activities that build character: It is important in the face of commercialism, to take time to do activities that take no money at all. Make it a tradition to do charity work, plant a tree, go hiking as a family, or rediscover old toys in the closet that some other children could use in the coming year. Concentrate on giving instead of getting.
(4) Talk to your children about making gifts instead of buying them: Break out the crayons and crafts and encourage your children to be creative. In addition, now that we are in the tech-savvy world of computers and your children are likely to be pros at operating one, making cards, scrapbooks or family videos could be priceless. Children can also make “Powerful Promissory notes” for gifts—promising to wash the car, clean the garage, baby sit, make lunch, or do another elected family chore that would help.
(5) Remember to show gratitude: Turn off the cell phone, unplug the TV, and get back to the basics. Discuss the things for which you are grateful—those irreplaceable, precious things that are near and dear to your heart. Model the ability to be thankful and call attention to how giving thanks makes people feel (both the giver and the receiver!). Some families find it helpful to use a reminder symbol to encourage giving thanks—like placing a “gratitude rock” in their pocket or placing a “gratitude bear” by the bedside. Any way you do it, you will be surprised about how it changes the climate of the family.
In the end, children take their cues from you. The media might be powerful but it can be dwarfed by the power of a parent who shows, tells, and exudes a thankful spirit for the precious gifts that could never be purchased at a store.
Keep sending your questions! Happy Holidays everyone!
