Comments on: Parent Alienation: Five Ways Parents Can Help Children of Divorce, Part 2

By: When Divorce Threatens the Family Team « Dr. Robyn Silverman’s Blog

When Divorce Threatens the Family Team « Dr. Robyn Silverman’s Blog — Tue, 19 May 2009 21:09:56 +0000

[...] who’ve taken the approach of “turning their children against another parent” (called parental alienation) and wind up finding that their approach hurts everyone [...]

By: Dr. Robyn

Dr. Robyn — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 16:12:57 +0000

I’m so sorry to hear about your niece’s divorce issues and the impact it’s having on her children. My suggestion is to contact my colleague, Christina McGhee and ask for a recommendation– she is also available for coaching. Her website is http://www.DivorceandChildren.com Let her know that I thought she’d be a great resource for you. She also has a great series called Lemons to Lemonade for children that I’d encourage you to check out.

Warm regards,

Dr. Robyn Silverman

By: rachel

rachel — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 08:13:43 +0000

My sister ,niece and nephews are going through a divorce and their father is displaying PA behavior. He resents my sister for asking for the divorce and has not taken any responsibility for their failed marriage. He has made it clear to his children that it was not his choice to break up the family and has been caught on tape telling his children that their mother will take them away from him if he makes any mistakes, like letting them stay home form school. He is very manipulative and makes repeat atttempts to make his children feel sorry for him. The result is that they begin to resent their mother for their Father’s pain. Their father is quite aware that he is trying to alienate his children and he uses the defence that he is just trying to protect his children since he thinks that my sister is trying to take him away from children and this is the way he thinks he can fight back. But in actuality, my sister has given him close to 40-50% custody. She understands that it is important that her children have a father but fels that their father is detrimental to their psyche if he continues to behave in this manner. She doesn’t know how to proceed and I don’t know how to help. Her husband comes from a divorce family is has many abandonment issues and is textbook passive aggressive which is ultimately why their marriage failed. He needs to deal with his emotional issues but he doesn’t seem to understand that. My sister has tried to protect her children by reassuring them that they arenot responsible for her or their fathers happiness and that adults can take care of themselves. But loyalty and love will make anyone, especially a child, feel that they need to help the love ones that suffer. My sister isolates her chidlren form her suffering and therefore the children seem to migrate towrds their Dad’s neediness. She does not know what she she do and is still contemplating how to settle the custody in the divorce. Unfortunately she still engages in negative interactions with her spouse and can not emotionally step away from his controlling behavior. He someone still can push her buttons and when he involves her children in the PA behavior, she allows her anger to take over and fights with him, knowing full well that her chidlren are hearing the conversation or will be the rbunt of his anger from the conversation. He is driving her crazy and making her nervous to the point that she feels that she is losing control over her children. he is accomplishing what he wants. I am at a loss at what to do to help. Is there anyone in the Baltimore area that she can be referred to that can give her good advice personally and in realtion to the divorce itself?
A very loving Aunt who wants nothing more than a mentally healthy niece and nephews.

By: Dr. Robyn

Dr. Robyn — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 17:27:06 +0000

Thank you for visiting, Rosalind. PA is certainly devastating for children and for everyone else involved in the family. Unfortunately, the effects are long lasting– many adults who were children of divorce that have been pawns in the PA war grow up to harbor resentment and confusion. Were they abandoned? Who was at fault? Why do they feel guilty? I’ve seen it up close in families I’m close to and know that PA has great impact.

Glad to see that you are working hard to combat the problem and educate families.

Best regards,
Dr. Robyn

By: Rosalind Sedacca

Rosalind Sedacca — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 17:20:41 +0000

Excellent advice in this article. It is so important to recognize PA early-on and move ahead in the directions suggested to counter the alienation as soon as possible. It’s the subtle gray areas that often get overlooked until the outcome is extremely damaging.

Our goal through the Child-Centered Divorce Network is to alert parents about the devastating consequences of PA so they do not make that choice or fall into that type of behavior — all for the well-being of their children.

Thanks for sharing your expertise on this subject.

Rosalind Sedacca
The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce

By: Family Bucket List: 7 Ways to Pour Generosity and Value into Family Life « Dr. Robyn Silverman’s Blog

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:14:05 +0000

[...] the Tsunami, and the recent Earthquake in China; personal losses like the death of a loved one, a divorce, or new knowledge of illnesses in the family—can get us wondering about whether we’re spending [...]