Comments on: Separation Anxiety in Young Children: Dr. Robyn Silverman in Parents Magazine http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/parenting-tips/separation-anxiety-in-young-children-dr-robyn-silverman-in-parents-magazine/ The Official Blog of Dr. Robyn Silverman Fri, 12 Mar 2010 03:46:37 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.2 hourly 1 By: Separation Anxiety: Guidelines to Say Goodbye to Clingy Kids? « Dr. Robyn Silverman’s Blog http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/parenting-tips/separation-anxiety-in-young-children-dr-robyn-silverman-in-parents-magazine/comment-page-1/#comment-657 Separation Anxiety: Guidelines to Say Goodbye to Clingy Kids? « Dr. Robyn Silverman’s Blog Wed, 22 Jul 2009 00:04:04 +0000 http://drrobyn.wordpress.com/?p=286#comment-657 [...] actually spoke about this with Parents Magazine in the July 2008 issue.  Separation anxiety is seen in many children to varying degrees.  It can [...] [...] actually spoke about this with Parents Magazine in the July 2008 issue.  Separation anxiety is seen in many children to varying degrees.  It can [...]

]]> By: Daphne http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/parenting-tips/separation-anxiety-in-young-children-dr-robyn-silverman-in-parents-magazine/comment-page-1/#comment-656 Daphne Wed, 11 Feb 2009 15:44:58 +0000 http://drrobyn.wordpress.com/?p=286#comment-656 Dear Dr. Silverman, I came across you and this article while looking for advice on another topic, but I wanted to make a comment about this. I understand and agree with your advice about separating, but I wish that professionals would also acknowledge that there is more than one answer to this problem. My son was adopted (like your soon-to be-daughter!) and adoptive parenting sometimes requires unique solutions, which you will find out. He was 5.5 months old when we adopted him, and was already forming a healthy attachment to his foster mom. So when we separate, there is an extra level of inherent anxiety. Add to this that he is also very intense. He is the kind of kid that if he gets worked up, he will throw up. That happened one day, when my husband and I left and tried to follow the advice you give (which I learned elsewhere). He didn't settle down. He cried for 45 minutes and then threw up. He was with a babysitter he already had built a relationship with and we all trusted her already. (and he wasn't sick- the babysitter reported that he was just that upset and I believe her) I stopped following advice and decided to follow my heart and came up with a technique that works for my family. It really is not contradictory to your advice except for the "don't linger" part. I give him 30 minutes to transition, and I tell him ahead of time that I won't leave right away. I pay attention to him, but encourage the babysitter to engage him as much as possible, and not talk to me too much. I engage him in informing the sitter of what she need to know. Then I do some kind of caring for him. Change diaper/ help go potty, prepare a snack and set in on the table for him, help get dressed if they are going out, etc. Then I try to help him start an activity with the sitter, as you advised. If he still resists or says don't go, I tell him that I won't leave until he feels good about it. And then I try helping with engaging an activity. This is going so smoothly now that it doesn't always take 30 minutes. And I never leave him crying anymore. He always happily says, "bye, mommy" when he is ready, even if 2 minutes prior he was pulling me by the hand to stay. I realize that this would not work with all children, but why can't professionals tell us that "don't linger" won't work for all children? (Maybe you do, and I haven't come across it yet). One of the things I find hard is when I/we are trying to leave and the sitter or someone else is saying things like, "make it quick" to me or "you have to let mommy go" to him. It just raises my anxiety and his and the very moment that I need to be strong for him. Part of the advice about separating should be directed at other people on how to not raise the tension level. Babysitters and caregivers listen more when I can say that the advice in not just me, but is what the professionals say, even if I am the one delivering the advice. In general, I find that most advice only applies to some children, or even most children. Sometimes my child is the one who some particular piece of advice doesn't apply to. Isn't everyone sometimes in that minority? Please help create more understanding. I like what you have to say and you are good at what you do. Thank you for providing this resource for parents. Dear Dr. Silverman,
I came across you and this article while looking for advice on another topic, but I wanted to make a comment about this. I understand and agree with your advice about separating, but I wish that professionals would also acknowledge that there is more than one answer to this problem. My son was adopted (like your soon-to be-daughter!) and adoptive parenting sometimes requires unique solutions, which you will find out. He was 5.5 months old when we adopted him, and was already forming a healthy attachment to his foster mom. So when we separate, there is an extra level of inherent anxiety. Add to this that he is also very intense. He is the kind of kid that if he gets worked up, he will throw up. That happened one day, when my husband and I left and tried to follow the advice you give (which I learned elsewhere). He didn’t settle down. He cried for 45 minutes and then threw up. He was with a babysitter he already had built a relationship with and we all trusted her already. (and he wasn’t sick- the babysitter reported that he was just that upset and I believe her) I stopped following advice and decided to follow my heart and came up with a technique that works for my family. It really is not contradictory to your advice except for the “don’t linger” part. I give him 30 minutes to transition, and I tell him ahead of time that I won’t leave right away. I pay attention to him, but encourage the babysitter to engage him as much as possible, and not talk to me too much. I engage him in informing the sitter of what she need to know. Then I do some kind of caring for him. Change diaper/ help go potty, prepare a snack and set in on the table for him, help get dressed if they are going out, etc. Then I try to help him start an activity with the sitter, as you advised. If he still resists or says don’t go, I tell him that I won’t leave until he feels good about it. And then I try helping with engaging an activity. This is going so smoothly now that it doesn’t always take 30 minutes. And I never leave him crying anymore. He always happily says, “bye, mommy” when he is ready, even if 2 minutes prior he was pulling me by the hand to stay. I realize that this would not work with all children, but why can’t professionals tell us that “don’t linger” won’t work for all children? (Maybe you do, and I haven’t come across it yet). One of the things I find hard is when I/we are trying to leave and the sitter or someone else is saying things like, “make it quick” to me or “you have to let mommy go” to him. It just raises my anxiety and his and the very moment that I need to be strong for him. Part of the advice about separating should be directed at other people on how to not raise the tension level. Babysitters and caregivers listen more when I can say that the advice in not just me, but is what the professionals say, even if I am the one delivering the advice.
In general, I find that most advice only applies to some children, or even most children. Sometimes my child is the one who some particular piece of advice doesn’t apply to. Isn’t everyone sometimes in that minority?
Please help create more understanding. I like what you have to say and you are good at what you do. Thank you for providing this resource for parents.

]]> By: No Time? 5 Tips to Spend Time with Children When You Have No Time to Spare « Dr. Robyn Silverman’s Blog http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/parenting-tips/separation-anxiety-in-young-children-dr-robyn-silverman-in-parents-magazine/comment-page-1/#comment-655 No Time? 5 Tips to Spend Time with Children When You Have No Time to Spare « Dr. Robyn Silverman’s Blog Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:47:16 +0000 http://drrobyn.wordpress.com/?p=286#comment-655 [...] Separation Anxiety in Young Children: Dr. Robyn Silverman in Parents Magazine [...] [...] Separation Anxiety in Young Children: Dr. Robyn Silverman in Parents Magazine [...]

]]> By: Andrew http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/parenting-tips/separation-anxiety-in-young-children-dr-robyn-silverman-in-parents-magazine/comment-page-1/#comment-654 Andrew Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:06:47 +0000 http://drrobyn.wordpress.com/?p=286#comment-654 Dr Robyn, how is this different from older children that have difficulty or apprehension about being away from their parents? What strategies would you recommend to aid them? Dr Robyn, how is this different from older children that have difficulty or apprehension about being away from their parents?

What strategies would you recommend to aid them?

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