Comments on: Tell Me Lies: Children Learn to Flatter at age 4 http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/parenting-tips/tell-me-lies-children-learn-to-flatter-at-age-4/ The Official Blog of Dr. Robyn Silverman Sat, 31 Jul 2010 03:16:49 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.2 hourly 1 By: Dr. Robyn http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/parenting-tips/tell-me-lies-children-learn-to-flatter-at-age-4/comment-page-1/#comment-595 Dr. Robyn Thu, 09 Oct 2008 18:08:06 +0000 http://drrobyn.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-595 So glad to hear that you are addressing your concern. Keep us posted-- and good luck! Dr. Robyn So glad to hear that you are addressing your concern. Keep us posted– and good luck!

Dr. Robyn

]]> By: Shocked & Confused http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/parenting-tips/tell-me-lies-children-learn-to-flatter-at-age-4/comment-page-1/#comment-594 Shocked & Confused Wed, 08 Oct 2008 23:15:23 +0000 http://drrobyn.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-594 Thank you for your replies. I know for a fact that my very smart child makes lies when she wants to get something or to get away with something. But for a lie of this nature to come out of nowhere and opposing all the morals and values, we have as a family demonstrated to our daughter, is just shocking. I feel like she has been brain washed or reprogrammed in a very short period of time. Like you said I have discovered a problem and whether it is my daughter lying, a problem in her personality or something else I have to face the problem and work on it to correct it no matter how awful the truth is. We will be going to counseling next week, wish us luck. Thanks again. Thank you for your replies. I know for a fact that my very smart child makes lies when she wants to get something or to get away with something. But for a lie of this nature to come out of nowhere and opposing all the morals and values, we have as a family demonstrated to our daughter, is just shocking. I feel like she has been brain washed or reprogrammed in a very short period of time. Like you said I have discovered a problem and whether it is my daughter lying, a problem in her personality or something else I have to face the problem and work on it to correct it no matter how awful the truth is. We will be going to counseling next week, wish us luck. Thanks again.

]]> By: Dr. Robyn http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/parenting-tips/tell-me-lies-children-learn-to-flatter-at-age-4/comment-page-1/#comment-593 Dr. Robyn Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:12:24 +0000 http://drrobyn.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-593 Thank you for this extremely interesting discussion. I agree that parents often know in their gut when something doesn't seem right. My impulse is to tell you to discuss this concern with your child's doctor so that you can discuss a plan of action together. Dr. Paul is correct-- we are not in any position to tell you what's what-- but your child's doctor is in a great position to do so. Whether your child is lying or not, you've discovered that something is not quite right, correct? This is an important concern and it's something that your doctor can help you discern. Let us know how everything goes- Dr. Robyn Thank you for this extremely interesting discussion. I agree that parents often know in their gut when something doesn’t seem right. My impulse is to tell you to discuss this concern with your child’s doctor so that you can discuss a plan of action together. Dr. Paul is correct– we are not in any position to tell you what’s what– but your child’s doctor is in a great position to do so. Whether your child is lying or not, you’ve discovered that something is not quite right, correct? This is an important concern and it’s something that your doctor can help you discern.

Let us know how everything goes-

Dr. Robyn

]]> By: Dr. Paul http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/parenting-tips/tell-me-lies-children-learn-to-flatter-at-age-4/comment-page-1/#comment-592 Dr. Paul Wed, 08 Oct 2008 18:05:25 +0000 http://drrobyn.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-592 Shocked and confused, You are in a topic here that is troubling for a number of reasons. I have had a number of parents in my practice (which in the past has included evaluating sexual abuse cases) who have insisted strongly that children never lie. Well, anyone who pays any degree of attention to their children knows that's not true. Children are also highly suggestible, and are very sensitive to the reinforcement that they get from particularly the big people in their life about what is expected or wanted from them. With that being said, as a parent you develop a sense of what is "normal" for your child. You are also generally familiar with what they have been exposed to within the context of your own home and family - so you just have to follow your gut sometimes when you are pretty sure that something is out of line. I'm definitely not in a position to give you specific advice about this - but can see that it is a tricky situation. Consult with people you can trust and stay tuned in to your own perceptions of what is fact and what is crap. Shocked and confused,

You are in a topic here that is troubling for a number of reasons. I have had a number of parents in my practice (which in the past has included evaluating sexual abuse cases) who have insisted strongly that children never lie. Well, anyone who pays any degree of attention to their children knows that’s not true. Children are also highly suggestible, and are very sensitive to the reinforcement that they get from particularly the big people in their life about what is expected or wanted from them. With that being said, as a parent you develop a sense of what is “normal” for your child. You are also generally familiar with what they have been exposed to within the context of your own home and family – so you just have to follow your gut sometimes when you are pretty sure that something is out of line. I’m definitely not in a position to give you specific advice about this – but can see that it is a tricky situation. Consult with people you can trust and stay tuned in to your own perceptions of what is fact and what is crap.

]]> By: Shocked & Confused http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/parenting-tips/tell-me-lies-children-learn-to-flatter-at-age-4/comment-page-1/#comment-591 Shocked & Confused Tue, 07 Oct 2008 21:05:21 +0000 http://drrobyn.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-591 About a week ago I discovered that my 4 year old knows too much about her private part. Too much that it makes me wonder if my child was molested. She gave me so much details about where and what happened and she mentioned other girls names at daycare that were involved in what she calls “nappy changing time” game. I have contacted the authority and stopped her from attending that daycare which she was extremely attached to for some reason. She is now in a safe place. I have contacted the authority and they are not doing much. I am not concerned about the daycare but I am worried about the other children there. Yesterday I have spoken to the child’s main care provider that left to another daycare at the same time I have discovered this. She told me that my daughter has wild imaginations and I shouldn’t believe everything she told me. She also said that my daughter has been telling lies lately which is not a common practice amongst young children! I have started to doubt what my daughter told me at the beginning but she knows so many details that I just wouldn’t believe that her imaginations led to. Reading your article I believe that I am right in believing my child and following my instinct to protect her and prosecute that daycare. The teacher also said that on my daughters fourth birthday there were two visitors a lady and a man. She said that my daughter was looking at the man and sort of flirting and blushing. Can a 4 year old flirt? Please reply ASAP as this matter is driving me crazy! About a week ago I discovered that my 4 year old knows too much about her private part. Too much that it makes me wonder if my child was molested. She gave me so much details about where and what happened and she mentioned other girls names at daycare that were involved in what she calls “nappy changing time” game. I have contacted the authority and stopped her from attending that daycare which she was extremely attached to for some reason. She is now in a safe place. I have contacted the authority and they are not doing much. I am not concerned about the daycare but I am worried about the other children there. Yesterday I have spoken to the child’s main care provider that left to another daycare at the same time I have discovered this. She told me that my daughter has wild imaginations and I shouldn’t believe everything she told me. She also said that my daughter has been telling lies lately which is not a common practice amongst young children! I have started to doubt what my daughter told me at the beginning but she knows so many details that I just wouldn’t believe that her imaginations led to. Reading your article I believe that I am right in believing my child and following my instinct to protect her and prosecute that daycare. The teacher also said that on my daughters fourth birthday there were two visitors a lady and a man. She said that my daughter was looking at the man and sort of flirting and blushing. Can a 4 year old flirt? Please reply ASAP as this matter is driving me crazy!

]]> By: Dr. Paul http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/parenting-tips/tell-me-lies-children-learn-to-flatter-at-age-4/comment-page-1/#comment-590 Dr. Paul Tue, 10 Jun 2008 03:00:35 +0000 http://drrobyn.wordpress.com/?p=242#comment-590 Great to find another blog that provides resources to parents! I noticed your topic deals with honesty. Not too long ago we took this on in our weekly Parental Power conference call. If you or your readers are interested in our discussion, I've posted a recording on my blog at the following link. Keep up the good work! http://parentalpower.wordpress.com/2008/05/20/dealing-with-lying/ Great to find another blog that provides resources to parents! I noticed your topic deals with honesty. Not too long ago we took this on in our weekly Parental Power conference call. If you or your readers are interested in our discussion, I’ve posted a recording on my blog at the following link. Keep up the good work!

http://parentalpower.wordpress.com/2008/05/20/dealing-with-lying/

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