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Our Thoughts Are With You: Victims of Hurricane Sandy

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As I live in NJ, we have seen and heard much of the devastation due to the most recent storm.  Hurricane Sandy lived up to the predictions.  Our thoughts and prayers are with you, our neighbors, and all those who suffered loss due to flood, falling trees and power outages.

My hope is that we all open our hearts and our homes to those who are still in need.  Do what you can even if it’s small– donate, lend out generators or extension cords, invite people over for dinner and to stay the night.  That’s been our plan of action as our power has been restored (thankfully) and we only had 2 fallen trees and some fence damage.  We consider ourselves very lucky– and hope for the safety and quick recovery of those still dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.

Dr. Robyn Silverman on The Anderson Show: Plastic Surgery & the Pressure to Be Perfect

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Plastic surgery is a booming business. In 2010, there were 296, 000 breast augmentations, 252,000 rhinoplasties, 203, 000 liposuctions procedures and 116,000 tummy tucks.  I imagine you can guess who are the most likely consumers of these procedures: women.

And it’s not just for adults. The latest figures from the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery show that the number of such procedures performed on youths 18 or younger more than tripled over a 10-year period – from 59,890 in 1997 to 205,119 in 2007. Liposuctions rose to 9,295 from 2,504, and breast augmentations increased nearly six-fold, from 1,326 to 7,882. (Info here from my body image book, Good Girls Don’t Get Fat: How Weight Obsession is Messing Up Our Girls and How We Can Help Them Thrive Despite It)

In the above video, I’m speaking on The Anderson Show about body image and Read more

Discipline…The October Powerful Word of the Month

Do your children and teens listen to the external rules guiding them to do what is expected of them in the home, at school, and out in the community? Most of the time? That’s a big part of discipline, our Powerful Word of the Month.  But there is also another part– making sure that they are listening to their own internal rules, which we, at our Powerful Words Member Schools call “I- Rules.” I-Rules tell us what to do when nobody is there to remind us of “the rules” but it also reminds us of our own rules– the rules that are in line with our character– that tell us to keep going when we’re frustrated, be truthful even when we want to lie, and be respectful even when we’re grumpy.

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Discipline is an extremely powerful word! I love this word! So it’s exciting that our amazing Powerful Words Member Schools are teaching it this month…and every month

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Dr. Robyn Silverman Introduces The New Powerful Word: Teamwork!

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Dr. Robyn Silverman

We want children to learn how to work as a team.  However, so many people feel that you can actually get more done alone rather than with the help of others.  While that can sometimes be true when working with people who are goofing off or being counterproductive, working as a team with productive, willing people can actually help children get more done!Just check out what these powerful kids have been able to do!

Ask your children:

(1) What are their favorite teams? Why?

(2) When do teams work well? When do teams NOT work well?

(3) If they were leading a team that was not working well together, what would they say to their team to help them grow together?

Discuss with your children:

(1) The teams you’ve been on and what you’ve experienced while on them.

(2) The most successful team you’ve ever been on and why.

(3) The least successful team you’ve been on and why.

At your Powerful Words Member School this month, we will be going over all this plus much more.  It’s an important month to learn about teamwork so keep us posted on how your children are doing and what lessons they’re putting to work at home, at school, and out in the community.  Check back with us often as we’ll be talking a lot about teamwork this month here at the Powerful Parenting Blog!

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How do you express your gratitude?

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Since it’s appreciation month for Powerful Words, I’m always looking for great ways to express gratitude.  How do YOU express your gratitude? How do you foster it in your children?

We can express gratitude…
(1) Through a letter: Yesterday we talked about writing a letter to the teacher telling him or her all the ways s/he has helped you or your child.  By writing a letter, you put longevity into words that allows the recipient to read and reread your appreciative statements.  Tell them all the ways you are thankful. What a wonderful gift!

(2) Through a gift: There are plenty of gifts you can give to someone to show your appreciation.  Whether it’s flowers, candy, homemade cookies, or simply something you saw that made you think of them, a little something can say a lot.  Especially when you make it yourself or the gift is personalized in some way for that person, you can really show you’ve been thinking of the other person and what s/he means to you.

(3) Through spending time: As we know, children spell “love” T-I-M-E.  Time together can show how much you appreciate someone else.  Especially when you do something that is meaningful to the other person– see a movie they’ve been wanting to see, or even going somewhere that you know they’d rather not go to alone (like the hospital, to visit someone they have mixed feelings about, etc), you are saying that that person is important to you and that you appreciate all they’ve done.

(4) Through a song, dance, or art: Some of us have a creative spirit.  Use it.  If you sing beautifully, play the piano, write songs, draw, or paint, you can use whatever medium you desire to show someone how much you appreciate them.  And no matter what kind of dancer you are, if you are grateful, you can show your gratitude through your movement.  Just check out the gratitude dancers above!

(5) Through your own words: Just say how you feel.  No  time like the present! We often let time pass without saying a thing.  If your husband is taking out the garbage and your wife has cooked your favorite meal, or your children cleaned their rooms without asking, make sure they know how much you appreciate it.  In many families around the world, other spouses and children might not be as considerate. Don’t let sleeping dogs lie–remind yourself to do it often– tell them today!

Tell us how you express your gratitude.  It’s a great time to let people know how much you care!

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Dear Dr. Robyn: My Dad's in Jail

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Dear Dr. Robyn,

My Dad’s in jail because he broke the law and did something really dumb that I don’t even want to talk about. My Mom has to work all the time and she always cries and my little brother seems like he doesn’t want to talk to anyone not even me. He says he wants to see us and to visit him in jail but I don’t know because I’m really mad at him. I don’t trust him anymore. I don’t even know what to do please help. -Izzy

Dear Izzy,

I’m so sorry about what you’re going through. I can tell you are in great pain and it doesn’t seem at all fair. I’m glad you reached out.

When a parent goes to prison, it can feel like the entire family is being punished. You’re now living in a one-parent household with a parent who seems sad, overwhelmed and overworked. You probably are dealing with conflicting feelings. You may miss him and feel like you hate him all at the same time. You love your father but you may be frustrated by what he did, embarrassed that he broke the law, and angry or sad that he’s not at home with you and your family. You might even be thinking that your parent is “a bad person” or that you “don’t even know him anymore.”

First, remember that you don’t have to make any decision right away. You can take some time to sort out your feelings and decide what to do. Write out your feelings in a diary or talk to a friend, relative, mentor, teacher, instructor, doctor or religious confidante. When we talk or write things out, we can come to conclusions. You don’t want to bottle things up.

Second, keep doing the things you love. Spend time with friends. Stay involved with your activities like martial arts, gymnastics, and drama. Surround yourself with people you live and the people who love you. Keeping a routine, as much as you can, and spending time with supportive people who care, can help you cope during this rough time. Second, you can choose to write letters to your parent. This way, you open the lines of communication between you and your parent without seeing him until you’re ready.

Third, you can visit your parent if that is an option. Visits can help you rebuild your relationship, answer the questions you have on your mind, and work out your feelings. While visits can be stressful, they may help you to get on a path of healing.

Fourth, you can look into information and support groups that can help you through this tough time (.e. Rainbows, Family Connection Centers, Crisis Centers, Online Communities ). Talking out your frustrations and concerns with others who are going through a similar situation can make you feel less alone. You may feel like the only one going through this but you’re not–The 2004 prison population report showed that there are approximately 2.26 million people incarcerated in U.S. prisons. That means a lot of families are affected. The support groups may give you the space and support you need. Encourage your family to go as well.

Fifth, remember that keeping the anger and frustration to yourself isn’t helpful to you or anyone else around you. I know that you’ve been part of a Powerful Words member school for a while now and you know that forgiveness, empathy, and anger management are all important for our health.

This may be a tall order, and you will probably never forget what your father did, but perhaps, in time, you can learn to forgive. Continue to reach out. You don’t have to do this alone. In time, and with some support and emotional digging, you’ll know what to do. Listen to your gut and ask for help when you need it.

We’ll be thinking of you.

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Stuck, Stagnant and Stymied: Defining your Who, What, Where, When, and Why for 2009

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Stuck, Stagnant and Stymied:

Redefining your Who, What, Where, When, and Why for 2009

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman

Where did the time go? Didn’t we have definite plans for 2008? Goals? We were going to get to it. But alas, we didn’t. And now it’s January…2009.

My gosh, we waste a lot of time. Procrastination comes in all forms. Email. We searches. Blackberries. Yes, and we know who you are.

Alright; I’ll confess. I’ve just entered the world of FaceBook. Go ahead, “friend” me! It’s a really cool tool that’s reconnected me with friends and colleagues of the past and present. This is both positive and negative. More connections can lead to heightened opportunity, greater feelings of unity, and growth. More connections can also lead to more senseless yapping on the internet, addictive checking of messages, re-exposed high school wounds we would have liked to have left untouched, and yes, lots and lots of wasted time. I sometimes find myself searching around for blasts from the past without any good reason for doing so. And no, curiosity isn’t really that good of an excuse.

We’re quick to blame other people and our “situations” for our lack of concentration and progress. But at the beginning of the New Year, perhaps it’s time to reclaim our control and ask ourselves what’s really happening and how WE can take action to fix it. Let’s make 2009 the year we get “it” done! After all, aren’t we all sick of mediocrity?

(1) Who? It’s time to get honest. Who can you be around and still get the work done that needs to get done? Spouse? Friends? Pets? Who hurts your progress? Who distracts you? Who makes you feel incapable, incompetent, or anxious?

(2) What? Break it down: What do I really have to do? What are the bite-sized pieces that I can put on my to-do list? What’s the plan for today, this week, this month—and what’s my overarching timeline? What can keep me on track?

(3) Where? We often forget to think about our location and how it serves (or doesn’t serve) us and our specific purpose. Where do I flourish, feel productive and make progress? When I look at where I work, what should the space look like for maximum productivity? Where do I lose my focus? Where am I more apt to succumb to distractions? Get honest with yourself. Perhaps a location-change or a space-overhaul is just what you need.

(4) When? Many of you, just like my coaching clients, are not just parents, teachers or business owners. We wear a lot of hats. Still, we do need to take control as best as we can. Ask yourself; When it my best time of day for innovation, business maintenance, or strategic planning? When is my worst time? When do I get tired? When we determine our optimal “when,” our plans become real and certain.

(5) Why? The “why” of our business determines motivation, inspiration, and enthusiasm for every project. Ask yourself; Why am I doing this? Why do I care? Without a “why,” your life will feel empty, dull, and pointless. Whether you do what you do for the good of yourself, the good of your family, or the good of mankind, make sure the reason is compelling so that it consistently inspires you to move forward every day.

First, breathe.  Stand back and really think. You may need a great success coach to work through it all with you. These simple yet powerful overarching questions will inspire you to determine the answers that are vital to your success. Get honest with yourself, answer the questions, and allow your responses to shape the circumstances of your success.

COACHING CLASS! As a success coach, I’m setting up another parenting coaching group for motivated adults who want to make 2009 their year for goal success. Interested? SPACE IS EXTREMELY LIMITED. This group is starting very soon- please let us know that you plan on participating. Fill out the form on my website and I’ll send you more information! PowerDay retreats also available.

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Dr. Robyn Silverman introduces the Powerful Word for January: Goal Setting!

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Goal-Setting Quotes:

Without goals, and plans to reach them, you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination –Fitzhugh Dodson

Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll land amongst the stars. — Les Brown

The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don’t define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.– Denis Waitley

Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success. –Stephen A. Brennan

When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life. –Greg Anderson

You don’t have to be a fantastic hero to do certain things – to compete. You can be just an ordinary chap, sufficiently motivated to reach challenging goals. –Edmund Hillary

Man is a goal seeking animal. His life only has meaning if he is reaching out and striving for his goals.
– Aristotle

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

You measure the size of the accomplishment by the obstacles you had to overcome to reach your goals. –Booker T. Washington

Your goals are the road maps that guide you and show you what is possible for your life. –Les Brown

Planning is part of goal-setting but not goal-getting. Goals die without action. Do what you’ve planned today so you can have what you want tomorrow. – Dr. Robyn Silverman

The unfortunate aspect about living life without your own goals is that you may very well reach a point in your life where you will wonder, ‘what would have happened if I had only done… –Catherine Pulsifer

When you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. –Zig Ziglar

Here’s to a Powerful Month and a Powerful Year!

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Got Goals? The 7 Deadly Downers that Dash Your Dreams

New Years Resolution and Goal Setting

The 7 Deadly Downers that Sabotage Your New Year’s Resolutions:

Help Your Family Obtain Goal-Setting Success!

Dr. Robyn Silverman

Have a New Year’s resolution? Watch out.  These 7 deadly downers can sabotage your goals.

Many POWerful bits of information come in 7s. Seven numbers in a phone number, seven days in a week, and seven wonders of the world. Most people say that their favorite number between 1 and 10 is seven. Of course, seven can showcase the bad things of this world as well, such as the seven deadly sins to avoid.

And now…

The Seven POWerful Downers that Hold People Back from Goal-setting Success! After all, the January 2009 Powerful Word of the Month is Goal-Setting– so we want want our children and families to be on the look out for these negative words.

(1) No: Such a small word but like an ant, powerful for its size. It’s arguably one of the most powerful words in the
English dictionary. Definitive by nature, it requires no other explanation for what it means. It’s the enemy of progress
and the dasher of dreams.

(2) Can’t: This word is a mind-trick. “Can’t” is the little voice inside our heads that tells us what we are not able to do.
Even if we’ve never tried it or attempted to do this thing this particular way before, “can’t” has already decided the outcome.  Tacking on a simple apostrophe and that one little letter “t” to the end takes this word from emphatic and positive to pathetic and negative.

(3) Won’t: Won’t is our inner child throwing the proverbial tantrum. “Won’t” is bratty and uppity, immature and insistent in getting its way. With folded arms, nose up in the air, and a smug look, “won’t” will easily cut off its nose to spite its face.

(4) Never: A POWerful Downer indeed. “Never” is infinite permanence. “Never” robs us of our power of choice for the
future. What feels impossible today is assumed to be insurmountable in the future despite changes in circumstance,
wisdom, and guts.

(5) Maybe: This word is just plain wishy-washy. It means nothing. Neither gutsy enough to say yes or direct enough to say no, “maybe” provides little hope for progress when there has been no definitive commitment.

(6) If: This tiny word is full of it. Projection, that is. “If” blames others when things don’t go its way. “If” takes the onus off of itself and lays it like a monkey on someone else’s back. It has the power of negating everything said before it with just one small insertion. It whines and begs for someone else to do the work or just simply, make it happen.

(7) Someday: While this word seems genteel enough, the reality is, it wants to sell you a bill of goods. It’s a snake-oil salesman. “Someday” is procrastination in action-there is no commitment, no follow-through, and no progress. “Someday” might tease someone-it might play a trick or two on the brain, but someday has no power for good until someday becomes today.

Actions may speak louder than words, however, these words bark loudly in one’s head. In this next year, you can make a choice to fill your mind with “yes,” “I can,” “I will,” “always,” and “now” or the Powerful Downers detailed above. They are your goals, your dreams, your hopes, and your life. Take back the power.

Here’s to Powerful Goal Setting and Goal Getting Success in 2009!

Please kindly press the digg button! Thanks!

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Ask Dr. Robyn: Tips on Teaching Tolerance to Children

How can parents teach tolerance to children?

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman Child Development Expert

Dr. Robyn Silverman answers a reader’s question about teaching tolerance to her children who DON’T live in a diverse neighborhood. These are easy parenting tips that any parent can follow to inspire children to keep an open-mind, be more accepting of others, and show more tolerance for differences.

Tolerance is the Powerful Word of the Month!

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Do you have a question for Dr. Robyn? Enter it here.

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